Parenting scenario
Hitting and aggression
When a young child hits, they are not a bad person and you are not a bad parent. They are a small body with a feeling that has nowhere else to go.
What's actually happening
Hitting, kicking, and biting are common in toddlers and preschoolers, and can resurface in older children under stress. The impulse comes from a part of the brain that fires faster than language. They feel something huge, the body moves, and only afterwards does anyone — including them — understand what happened.
Why reacting makes it worse
Hitting them back, shaming them, or sending them away alone teaches that big bodies use force when they're upset — which is exactly what you're trying to undo. Threats freeze the behaviour briefly but don't grow the skill underneath. The aggression usually moves to siblings, pets, or themselves.
The regulated approach
Stop the hit immediately and calmly: hold the hand, move between bodies, or move the child away from the target. Say once, "I won't let you hit." Stay close, regulate your own breathing, and wait. Once the storm passes, name what you saw: "You were so angry. Your body needed to move." Then teach the alternative — stomp, push a wall, squeeze a pillow — and practice it when no one is upset.